Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
