There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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