He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
