: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
