People in love make me want to vomit
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
