Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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