Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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