Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
