just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
