when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
