He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
