Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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