i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
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It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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