Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
