just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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