I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
3 2 1 whiskey
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
