i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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