don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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