youre lurking in front of me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Nicole vs. Life
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
