hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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