Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
