Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
