I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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