Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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