she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
