What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
