i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
