I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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