Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
