Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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