Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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