guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
