I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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