Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
