She went from zero to smokin in five shots
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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