She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
