You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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