i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
