So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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