Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
