Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
ttyl tear gas
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
