hotel room ftw
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize