Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
