If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think i have two assholes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
