Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
