And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
