when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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