also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
