how can u be prego again
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
