why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
