After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think people are normalizing furries
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
