Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
