you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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