Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
