I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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