He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
