1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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