I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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