he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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