Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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