pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
