Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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