Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i already hear my dad disowning me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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