If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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