i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
