um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
