Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize