I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
