my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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