My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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