Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
