just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
