Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
