I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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