peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
